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Instead of friendly conversation about shared interests, first dates often involve fielding intrusive questions about their orientations and histories, especially from those who don’t believe that their identities are “real.” “‘Are you sure?

’ ‘You know, if try having sex, I’m sure it would be different,’” says magazine editor Emily Cutler, 23, rattling off a list of unwelcome comments she’s fielded while dating as a demisexual woman.

“If you see the categories that are coming up on dating apps, that’s part of that legacy of just not taking asexuality seriously.” But as mainstream awareness of asexual identity continues to grow, online dating services are finally starting to do more to acknowledge asexual users.

Cerankowski says that knowledge and acceptance of asexuality have surged, particularly since 2010, which they credit to increased activism, scholarship, and pop culture representation.

Some may want romance but not sex; others fall on the aromantic spectrum, meaning they sometimes or never feel romantic attraction.

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“Historically, we just haven’t accepted asexuality as a legitimate sexual orientation, and I think we’ve been only catching up to that in recent years,” says KJ Cerankowski, an Oberlin assistant professor of gender, sexuality, and feminist studies.But workable online alternatives for aces seeking their preferred levels of partnership and connection are few and far between.Free apps like Tinder and Bumble, and paid services like don’t have specific mechanisms that allow users to identify themselves as ace, or to filter for asexual and/or aromantic matches.“It’s not that there aren’t enough asexual people in the world or in my area.It’s that they’re not on ACEapp.” There’s also the larger issue of cultural awareness; online dating can be challenging for aces even when they can select their specific orientations, as other people’s biases and misinformation can limit their options.




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